Some time has passed since I last posted. I decided to put a halt on everything I was working on and reassess everything I am doing. I came to realize that I have been at quite an impasse creatively since I experienced a great loss in 2012. With a multitude of life changes, good and bad, that followed I haven’t been able to find my way out of the fog. I lost sight as to the psychological benefits of creation – the whole reason I embraced making dolls in the first place. 

I became too consumed with just getting through a piece. In doing this I bogged myself down, the process started taking longer and longer and I wasn't enjoying any part of it. Indecision became the bane of my existence – it led to me settling on creative choices that I was not happy with in the end. I couldn't get what was in my head out into the tangible world.

I hate living in this state. I can’t live in this state. So, when I was floundering with my current batch of mimics (going back and forth with clothing decisions, struggling with their balance, making items – tossing them out – repeat) I decided to stop. To just stop. Put everything aside and not feel guilty that nothing was progressing. I forgot about them. I didn't think about them. Or their garments. Or their balance. Or the amount of time I had invested in them. Or what I’d like to work on after them. After being only partially there mentally, I checked out completely.

It was exactly what I needed. This week I have come back to my work, but not because I felt I had to. I am back because I want to – I finally feel clear. I am going slow – enjoying every little step again. It’s funny how easily I figured out a solution to my balance problem. And how easily a clear picture of the garments came after I let go. I no longer feel rushed to finish them, I am just enjoying making them. It’s a sensation I haven’t felt in a very long time.

Most of my day is still devoted to various motherhood activities, but at least now I am spending little one’s nap time with happy, busy hands instead of standing still in a state of overwhelming anxiety. 



Photographs:

• coffee stained thread
  
• hand sewn hip joints
  
• attachment of thigh & lower leg
  

the cold virus that has plagued baby & me has finally moved on and took with it the last remnants of winter. if you are not familiar with the weather in virginia, it has the ability to shift rather abruptly. just one week ago it was frigid cold and snowed about six inches. this week has been in the mid to high 50's. it can be problematic if you, like me, suffer from horrible sinus headaches with drastic shifts in the weather. 


now that all traces of snow have disappeared and i have nearly finished all of the monotonous daily tasks that piled up while i was ill, baby & i spent the day (part of it, at least) playing outside. after being cooped up in the house for so long, it felt close to miraculous just sitting out in the mild sun with the wind gently brushing our faces. 


my lit'le one is able to move where she wants on her own now and playing outside has taken a new and delightful turn. now i let her lead where she wants to go and what she wants to play with. today she collected a few items and had the grandest time exploring with them. the tiny pine cones were far and above her favorites and she attempted quite a few times to coax me into taste testing them (which i politely declined). my fingers are crossed that the weather will hold. 



as for the mimics on my work table, i have not been able to spend a substantial amount of time on them this week. i have come to the conclusion that i will need to re-make their legs and possibly their arms. the current design of the limbs doesn't quite give the dolls the right balance and they are just not sturdy enough when in a sitting position for my comfort. tomorrow i will go back to the drawing board and create a new pattern. i'll post an update as soon as there is something to show.

since i was oh, so near to finishing up the first batch of sprouting tuber mimics, a nasty cold virus inevitably invaded my home. 



my daughter came down with it first. as my face was her preferred method of wiping her nose, i naturally was overcome within a day or two. 

so, for the past week i haven't done a damn thing but nurture my lit'le one and to some extent myself. i set aside dolls, sewing, laundry, everything. the only happenings have been copious amounts of snuggling, hanging out in a steamed up bathroom, and reading aloud lots of fairy tales. 



as miserable as i have felt, these past few days have had their own sort of pleasure. it has really shown me how much i adore motherhood. little moments with my daughter have become some of the most monumental ones in my life. rocking and nursing her as we both struggle with stuffed noses. slowly dancing in the steam filled bathroom (giving much relief to the aforementioned stuffed noses). 

the grandest moments have presented themselves in my little thirteen month old attempting the role of caregiver. she has taken to grabbing a tissue, wiping my nose, then giving me a bit of comfort in the form of a kiss and hug. i can't begin to say how much this makes me melt. i feel immense contentment knowing that nature has gifted her with such a gentle spirit.



anyway, it has proven to be a nasty bug that doesn't want to loosen it's grasp on us. we are almost back to normal, albeit with some uncharacteristic stuffiness still. today i have picked up a needle & thread and set back to work where i left off with the mimics.